The holidays are upon us and as such, I think it's time for a refresher on the etiquette of discussing food allergies and intolerances. I am slowly growing intolerant of condescending and prying questions or comments about the state of my eating habits and my health. I know I'm not the only person, regardless of food intolerance, who takes umbrage with this line of questioning. It seems that people assume my having food intolerances makes me a special case for being impolite. The holidays tend to intensify this aggravating line of questioning.
Wow, you're not eating a lot.
First off, are you allergic to manners? Here, take a seat. Have a Claritin. Pour yourself a tall, cold glass of shutyourglutinousface.
This comment has nothing to do with food intolerance, it has to do with the commentator's lack of social grace. And yet, I've heard this very comment or comments like it since I was diagnosed when I'm in social situations. Maybe my feelings are a little raw coming out of the long Thanksgiving weekend when I had plenty of opportunities to hear derivations of this comment, but let me just say that every time I hear it, I have a teeny tiny rage stroke. The implication that what's on my plate or in my stomach is anyone's business other than my own (or perhaps my doctor) is ludicrous. I don't think there's a time or a place where this comment is socially acceptable, regardless of food intolerance.
So I get not eating gluten because it's popular right now but...POTATO?!
To refer back to the first comment, last I checked it's none of your business what I can and cannot eat. It's none of your business. Say it with me now! Until today I've managed to smile and explain that I was tested for food intolerance because of extenuating medical circumstances, which brings us to the next two questions:
What are these so-called medical problems?
Again the implication here is that I need to defend my eating habits which are -- all together now! -- none of your business. But to ask me to talk about my medical problems? I think it was Aristotle who first said that asking questions about medical issues is really gauche. Where'd I get that quote? quotesIjustmadeup.tumblr.com also
Who diagnosed you? Surely it wasn't a medical doctor.
Are you, fictitious person who is representative of all people who have asked me this question, a medical doctor? Have you talked to your doctor about your chronic rudeness? I know that I need to go talk to my doctor about my growing intolerance of your bullshit. Surely, hopefully, there is a cure for that.
Lastly:
Come on, just have a tiny taste of [insert food or beverage here].
No, thanks.
But why?
Because REASONS. Unless you're planning to wear that dish or cocktail on your head, you'd best stop there, fictitious asshole who is questioning my food intolerance. Since we've already established that it's none of your business why I can't eat or drink this stuff and that it's furthermore none of your business what medical issues are aggravated by consuming gluten and potato, I really don't need to justify why I'm not going to taste this delicious morsel. Though really, you shouldn't be questioning me in the first place, so you'd understand that trying to coerce me into eating that poisoned dish isn't going to endear you to me.
Why are we friends again, fictitious person I invented for this post? I hope we're not real friends. Maybe just Facebook friends, so I can hate-read your mundane status updates and throw shade on your "hilar" vacation photos.
You are the George Bush to my Iraqi journalist, fictitious rude person I invented for this post.
Perhaps I'm writing this only for my benefit, but I know the next time someone brings up my eating habits or medical issues I'll just screech the URL to this post and back away slowly.
Wow, you're not eating a lot.
First off, are you allergic to manners? Here, take a seat. Have a Claritin. Pour yourself a tall, cold glass of shutyourglutinousface.
This comment has nothing to do with food intolerance, it has to do with the commentator's lack of social grace. And yet, I've heard this very comment or comments like it since I was diagnosed when I'm in social situations. Maybe my feelings are a little raw coming out of the long Thanksgiving weekend when I had plenty of opportunities to hear derivations of this comment, but let me just say that every time I hear it, I have a teeny tiny rage stroke. The implication that what's on my plate or in my stomach is anyone's business other than my own (or perhaps my doctor) is ludicrous. I don't think there's a time or a place where this comment is socially acceptable, regardless of food intolerance.
So I get not eating gluten because it's popular right now but...POTATO?!
To refer back to the first comment, last I checked it's none of your business what I can and cannot eat. It's none of your business. Say it with me now! Until today I've managed to smile and explain that I was tested for food intolerance because of extenuating medical circumstances, which brings us to the next two questions:
What are these so-called medical problems?
Again the implication here is that I need to defend my eating habits which are -- all together now! -- none of your business. But to ask me to talk about my medical problems? I think it was Aristotle who first said that asking questions about medical issues is really gauche. Where'd I get that quote? quotesIjustmadeup.tumblr.com also
Who diagnosed you? Surely it wasn't a medical doctor.
Are you, fictitious person who is representative of all people who have asked me this question, a medical doctor? Have you talked to your doctor about your chronic rudeness? I know that I need to go talk to my doctor about my growing intolerance of your bullshit. Surely, hopefully, there is a cure for that.
Lastly:
Come on, just have a tiny taste of [insert food or beverage here].
No, thanks.
But why?
Because REASONS. Unless you're planning to wear that dish or cocktail on your head, you'd best stop there, fictitious asshole who is questioning my food intolerance. Since we've already established that it's none of your business why I can't eat or drink this stuff and that it's furthermore none of your business what medical issues are aggravated by consuming gluten and potato, I really don't need to justify why I'm not going to taste this delicious morsel. Though really, you shouldn't be questioning me in the first place, so you'd understand that trying to coerce me into eating that poisoned dish isn't going to endear you to me.
Why are we friends again, fictitious person I invented for this post? I hope we're not real friends. Maybe just Facebook friends, so I can hate-read your mundane status updates and throw shade on your "hilar" vacation photos.
You are the George Bush to my Iraqi journalist, fictitious rude person I invented for this post.
Perhaps I'm writing this only for my benefit, but I know the next time someone brings up my eating habits or medical issues I'll just screech the URL to this post and back away slowly.
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